Parenting. It’s the ultimate of a hero’s journey.
Okay, true, I suppose one’s own personal growing-up time is really the most soul-searing adventure one can undertake. After all, to first be a parent, you should first have passed all of the life’s lessons that have been thrown at you! You should have internalized that your job as a mom or dad is NOT to be your child’s friend…instead, it is to be ‘way above and beyond anything a mere friend can be!
You simply have to internalize that your roll is to raise your children to be the best possible person imaginable. And that means setting up boundaries and inflicting consequences when kids dare to push past them.
Kids need to know where they stand in the scheme of things. They need the security of boundaries so they can rely upon their parents when the going gets tough. Our society tries to make children grow up ‘way ahead of their time…it’s only natural that kids will want more and more security when confronted with these challenges.
I see this all the time at the karate dojo I attend. Some moms (not all, of course, not by a long shot) are ruled by their children…and will scamper to meet their every insane need. These kids are the ones who whine about not doing the workout, who can turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat…and cause mom to come running. It makes you want to scream at the parents and ask, my gosh, how on earth do you think your child will mainstream into middle school later on if all you do is cater cater cater?
Sigh.
Parents need to be firm. They must not be afraid to mete out punishment when required, nor be afraid to fall onto their knees to comfort their children when its needed.
So why are so many parents doormats these days? I truly have no clue. I’m known as Mean Mommy Ling by my kids’ friends (and also known as Mama Bear by my kids’ teachers)…yet in all cases, kids flock to me whenever I show up at class.
Boundaries work. Plain and simple, boundaries work. So do your children a favor and give them that security…you might be surprised at how much they end up calming down.
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – Need some parenting resources? Consider: