Category: Parenting

Parenting

Mom! I have a CRUSH MOM! And he LIKES me! And ….

You know, back when I was growing up,

my mom was fond of saying, if anything is going to happen to anyone anywhere, it’s going to happen to my daughter.

Oh gosh, she has no idea how right she is!

You might remember from my last post that I was utterly fatigued from work today – I’ve been doing massive amounts of programming and finally, gave myself permission to step away from the computer. After all, my kids were coming home, and I figured, golly, this would be a simply peachy time to decompress and relax and enjoy their company.

So! Picture this – exhausted Mom, on her last leg, opening the door for her kids and hearing (and I quote!)

MOM! I have a crush! And he likes me! I know he likes me because we wrote notes! And our friends gave them back and forth! And MOM! I have a CRUSH! And he likes me! AND MOM! Guess what! I have a crush! AND….

See Mom.

See Mom internalize all of this.

See Mom think, okay quick, what on earth do I say?

Do I talk about being subtle?

Do I talk about taking things easy?

Or instead….

Do I simply let her be happy and continue to float above the clouds?

I opted for the second option, of course. :)

Why such things can’t happen when I’m alert and awake and full of energy, I do not know.

I was 14 when I went thru this…it’s kinda sorta poignant to see my kid start her own journey.

Motherhood – it’s a hero’s journey!! :)

Enjoy,

Mom

ps – when your kids tell you the above, the following is certainly needed:

Embracing your dreams – teach this to your kids

Morning!

My brilliant colleague

Maureen Sharib posted an utterly brilliant article over at In The Direction of My Dreams. To wit:

….. When I was a little girl I remember asking my mother what she’d like to have for Christmas. She’d always say some version of the following: “I just want you kids (all five) to be good!”

It wasn’t until I was a mother myself for awhile that I understood her words.

A couple years back I was walking through a popular local high-end mall before Christmas with my twenty-two year old and oldest daughter, Andrea. The stores were festooned with holiday paraphernalia and their windows and aisles stuffed with merchandise that seemed to flow out into the corridors. As we passed the Coach store I could see her eyes fall on an eye-popping $300 what couldn’t have been larger than 6 x 8 number that wasn’t much thicker than an inch …..MORE….

Wow, she hits the point HEAD ON:

  • I want to go in the direction of my dreams. I want to go unfettered; I want to be unimpeded in my pursuits. I want those around me to stop telling me why something won’t work and start telling me, “Okay let’s try.” I want support in my undertakings and encouragement; I want praise when I accomplish something. I want someone to dry my tears, to be patient with my ramblings, to reassure my doubt.

To go in the direction of my dreams.

What a brilliant idea…and yet, how many of us, especially those who have a couple of decades of life experience under our belts, allow ourselves to be frightened off from believing in future successes and challenges?

Who ARE we, indeed….to dare to buck the trends?

To step out of line?

To tell the world who is watching, to hell with you, I believe in myself! and I will SUCCEED no matter what!

Who are we….INDEED.

Everyone one of us has the spark of greatness within us. But all too often, we allow that to be dampened by doubts. Doubts from others, doubts from within…doubts that shatter our courage and cause us to shrink back into what the world expects.

To hell with that, says I! When you are seized with a new idea or new concept or something that is so out of this world, it’s never been done before…internalize the courage to be the first one to take a chance and DARE to succeed. Even if you don’t reach your goals, you’ll have the precious knowledge gained from the adventure…knowledge that will bolster your next attempt in the future.

I’ve been aware of this idea all thru my life, I will admit. I well-remember back when I was 25 – I was on a bus traveling towards a white water adventure run with my colleagues from AT&T. There were two gentlemen in their 40s sitting in back of me, and I heard one tell the other

“…yes, about 10 years ago, I had this great idea that I was sure would work….but my wife convinced me not to give up my current job. So I never really was able to get it off the ground. You know, I really regret that now….. “

I remember thinking, my gosh, how sad. When I’m in my 40s, I’ll never have to say that!

And you know what? I’m 43 now…and I don’t have to say that whatsoever. All of my dreams, I’ve tried – I’ve had utterly brilliant successes and humorously ridiculous failures but in every single case, I can say, I had the dream and I gave it my best.

Remember, Thomas Edison said (okay, he probably didn’t but it sure reads well!)

  • Thomas Edison had already tried over 8,00 experiments in to invent the electric light bulb, none of which worked.
  • Newspapers criticized him, cIaiming Edison a failure.
  • His response: “I have not at all failed. I’ve just eliminated 8,000 possibilities on the road to inventing a light bulb. When I’ve eliminated the ways that won’t work, I’ll find the way that will.”

So. What are YOUR dreams? And are you taking the steps to make them come alive?

If not, ’tis a pity….. because if you won’t, who will do it for you?

’tis to think.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – here are some great motivational goodies:

Children, nunchaku and taking a break

Morning!

Well, it’s a delightful Sunday afternoon.

I had planned on spending time hacking up my forum software, when one of my kids came to me and said, Mom! Let’s go practice our nunchaku katas outside!

Now, you have to understand – the last time I did nunchaku was about, oh, hmmm, 3 months ago? I had basically decided to drop this weapon as the kata required side kicks (which I was incapable of doing back then). However, I’m healed now, so I decided, heck, work could wait, let’s spend some quality kid time.

Wow, what a lot of fun it was! I was quite surprised that I remembered so much about the nunchaku techniques – I was even able to do the around-the-neck move with no problem at all. Perhaps I’ll rejoin the class again – it was really enjoyable.

And P90x-related, today is XStretch, but I’m debating about substituting it with YogaX. Gotta love the challenge that DVD presents.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – some nifty nunchaku goodies include:

Dealing with cowardly lying children so they learn

You know, it never fails. Give yourself permission to actually take off time from work, give yourself permission to shut down and actually (gasp!) relax, and you immediately will have a crisis emerge with your small children that require your full attention and intervention.

Sigh.

So. Today, two of my single-digit kids decided to, ahem, conceive of creative uses for a broom. Now, this is not just any broom, mind you – it’s the Broom of Destiny, the Broom of Awesomeness, in other words, the only broom that really picks up parakeet feathers rather well and sweeps the floor adequately. End result – el broomo was snapped in two-o.

ARGH!!!!!

Okay, it’s just a broom – I have the wisdom to be calm and dignified about it. I gave a talk to them as to the utter unintelligence of that act, and sent them off to their room. But then I thought about it – one of my kids had earnestly told me, my brother was the one who broke it….but then he also admitted, he was doing the exact same thing as well.

In essence? He took the coward’s way out and tried putting 100% of the blame on his brother.

Ooooooo, not a good thing! If there’s one thing about which I’m completely irrational, it’s cowardice. It’s totally unacceptable in my family! And trying to shift blame to another person, simply to save one’s sorry hide, is the act of something rather pathetic.

So, I called back said kid and read him the riot act about such behaviors. I really harped on being strong and being brave and taking responsibility/ownership of one’s actions, even if those actions were wrong.

Sigh.

But I think I made my point. While it was tempting to simply cause as much angst responsible, I focused on getting the point across and discussing the issue with him. Thus, it’s a lesson learned…at the expense of my rest.

Ah well, the joys of being a parent. :)

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – need help with raising kids? Check out these cool books:



48 Ways of Wisdom

Morning!

Today I came across the page

And wow, it’s really quite superb! Written by Rabbi Noah Weinberg, all 48 pages are definitely thought-provoking. They include:

  • Way #2 Listen Effectively
  • Way #3 Say It Out Loud
  • Way #4 Introduce Yourself to Yourself
  • Way #8 Constant Joy
  • Way #19 Wake Up and Live
  • Way #24 Search For Wisdom
  • Way #34 Use Your Inner Guide
  • Way #37 Never Be Bored
  • Way #38 Responsible Decisions
  • Way #45 Expand Your Ideas

Do check them out! You’ll be glad you did so.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – need more wisdom? Consider:

Turning negative energy into positive results – otherwise known as wisdom

A quick post before I give myself permission to collapse in a heap!

You know, I firmly believe, everything happens for a reason.

You cannot control how people react to you or your work…but you CAN choose to control how you react to said reactions. :) Either….

You can feel really mad/annoyed/misunderstood/etc.

or

You can say, to hell with that…I’m going to blast past my previous work boundaries and utterly master the current challenge, and if you value your health, you’ll get out of my way!

Politics! Argh. I hate them.

The ability not to communicate successfully – hate that too!

But! When it comes right down to it, if you give into the luxury of feeling unhappy, you’re:

  • Letting time pass by that could be spent far more productively
  • Giving control of your emotions to others
  • Being really darned not-smart!!

So! Upon dealing with some negative interactions online, I chose to sit and re-evaluate my current business dealings. I took a long, hard look at where my strengths lie, where my energies should be expended, and how I should attack the future.

The result? Well, you’re looking at one of them – I completely overhauled my blog and look and feel and layout. It’s far more user-friendly and searchable!

AND…I thoroughly took apart several sites online and taught myself the techniques that were being used. You know, it’s truly astonishing how I can pick up anything online if I put my mind to it…. anything I need to do, I can build and create. ’tis a good skill to have.

So I’m currently building another resource that is yet un-named…but it will incorporate everything I’ve learned since 1998 until 3 years in the future. And look out world then!

This really highlights to me the importance of taking ownership of your own emotions and actions. It’s so easy for our kids to say, oh, she made me mad so I didn’t finish my work, or she hurt my feelings so I stopped everything and cried for 2 hours! Poor me!
But you know something? Doing that…is delivering control to people who really aren’t worthy of your time or feelings. So why on earth would you shackle your own abilities this way?

Gosh, if I can teach this to my kids…I will be SuperMom.

I’ve been working non-stop now for several hours, and really have to call it a day. But tomorrow after the gym…I’ll be on fire yet again to make things happen and create miracles for my family. And to think…this energy originally came about with negative emotions….but I chose to re-direct it into something truly special for the future.

You can choose to do this too!

NEVER give others power over you. Never ever. Instead, rely upon your own inner-strength…and declare to the world, you will NOT stop me! I can accomplish anything I choose to do.

Got it? Good! :)

Night night all,

Barbara

ps – some nifty wisdom goodies!

Being a mom can be non-stop, so make it great

You know you’re a mom when you’ve just spent 4 hours building a friend a super site, realize that you can finally rest, and then….

your kids come to you and say

MOM! It’s GREAT outside! Let’s go practice our Nunchaku katas!

Reaction from Mom:

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Reaction from Child:

No really Mom! It’s only slightly below freezing! Our nunchaku will spin real good!

Reaction from Mom:

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

Reaction from Child:

Mom? Do you need coffee?

Reaction from Mom:

(can’t anyone realize I’m comatose?) Okay dear, I’ll consider doing DDR with you if you set it up and give me 10 minutes to decompress….

Reaction from Child:

(ZZZZZIPP as she disappears to set everything up)

Sigh. Ah well, it’s good for me, might as well dash right to it.

Parenting – a job for only the dauntless. :)

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – some great DDR goodies:

Neuropsychological testing in NJ – where to go

Being a webmaster can be quite an education! I’ve just had the privilege of building the website for Dr. Ilyse O’Desky, a Neuropsychologist based in Springfield, NJ.

Dr. O’Desky specializes in evaluating children for attention problems, information processing problems and learning disorders. She also tests general intelligence for gifted children as well.

From the main page!

…

As a parent, you want the very best for your child.

Whether you’re looking to maximize your child’s potential, or help your child to overcome a learning issue, a neuropsychological evaluation can be most beneficial.

Aspergers, Dyslexia, NLD (non-verbal learning disorder), Attention Deficiet Disorder…all of these conditions can be approached to give your child the best possible chance for living a normal, self-sufficient productive life.

Here at Dr. O’Desky and Associates, we are trained pediatric neuropsychologists who specialize in assessing exactly what your child needs…. and putting you on the right track to resolving his or her issues…..MORE…..

If you have concerns for your children, definitely check the center out.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – some useful ADHD resources:

Finding out where sex offenders live near you

Morning,

Did you know that you can access online databases of sex offenders who might live nearby you? This is an excellent resource for parents.

Here’s what I’ve found for you:

It’s always a good thing to know who your neighbors are.

Data points,

Barbara

ps – some self-protection items:

Live life without regrets – balance, dream interpretation and more

Morning,

I had the weirdest dream last night – it mushed together the people I know now with the people I know from the past, threw in a bit of Cloverfield movie, and made me think I was 43 without having completed college, gotten married, nor had 4 kids (but still had all the wisdom I currently have in real life today).

Now, I always believe that dreams reveal a bit of your inner self if you’re open enough to listen. When I had awakened, I had such a feeling of loss – I had spent 43 years of my life yet not achieved any of my goals that I had deemed valuable (in my dream, that is).

Obviously in real life, this isn’t true whatsoever. So what does my inner self think I’m missing?

Doing a self-check of my situation, I have a great husband, family, friends, etc. I am protective to those who are good to me, I am the avenging angel to those who hurt people in my world, I teach people who are open, I let go of people who are closed.

I think my dream shows me that if you want something, you have to make it happen. You cannot go thru life hemming and hawing, and thinking someone/something else will do the hard work for you…nor can you throw 110% into something and believe the rest of your life will not suffer from neglect.

You cannot live your life for others, only for yourself. You must wholeheartedly believe in what you do…and then proactively choose to take ownership of any actions you might implement.

You cannot control how others react to your words, to your actions….but you can take ownership of your feelings and reasons. When misunderstandings happen, you must take ownership (if you value the person) of the mistake…and make it right.

What’s clearer than a silver bell to you might be incomprehensible to another person who lacks the experience your life has taught you. Be responsible; everyone failed mind reading 101, take the time to make things right.

If I can teach the above to my kids, I’ll be supermom!

Here are some resources for official dream interpretation:

And so starts the day,

Barbara

PS – some more dream intrepretation resources