Parenting
Morning,
Today I debated about taking my kids to the movies, and learned that a 3-D Beowulf was in the theaters.
But is it appropriate for kids?
According to many of the sites I found, errrrr…..the answer is NO WAY!
If you’re a parent, checking out what’s good for kids is always a wise thing before spending money on the tickets. Here are some resources you can utilize:
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – truly, however, the best movies are Star Wars like so:
Morning,
I’m a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason. You might not know at that very moment just why things are occurring, you might not understand it for another week or year or decade or even three decades….but sometime in the future, the light is going to go zingo! in your head, and you’ll realize the true gifts that your otherwise agonizing problems had given you, ‘way back when.
I was reminded of this yesterday when one of my kids was at aikido. You see, there’s a slight issue of self-confidence involved; like me when I was that age, this particular child finds it difficult to be assertive and push back when necessary. So! I asked the sensei to get in her face and let her deal with the situation.
Now, this was very difficult for her to endure. As a matter of fact, she started crying even though she didn’t want to (again like me, she can’t stop such things – it just happens. She’s learning to work thru that). But the sensei gave her some extraordinarily good wisdom about standing up for herself and never letting herself get pushed around. It was a very draining experience…but one that really made my kid happy at the end.
I was witnessing this as it was happening, and I realized…gee, most other parents would say, leave my kid alone, she can’t handle it. But oh, how I wished when I was that age…that someone had taught me self-respect and reliance!! But instead, I was one of the most pathetic kids around back then….and it took me decades to turn into the wondrous person I am today.
Ever since becoming a parent, I made a promise to myself that my children would surpass me in every way, including self-confidence. I never want my kids to be a loser like I was!
And then it hit me with the force of an earthquake as I was standing there. This is one reason why I had the utter hell of school life that I did….it was so I’d have the knowledge to recognize potential problems in my own children…and take steps to resolve them before they got out of control.
32 years ago…that was. 32 years. 3+ decades. Wow. But with this experience of yesterday, I can honestly say….I’d go thru twice the agony again if I knew the benefits my own family would reap from it.
Gotta love guardian angels sometime.
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – want some great aikido stuff? Consider:
You know, sometimes I think people should have to pass rigorous exams in order to become a parent.
It’s astonishing to me, absolutely beyond belief, how many parents will allow their darling brats to run wild in life and society…and then, when confronted, defend their kids’ lousy behavior instead of saying, gosh, you’re correct. My kid is a twit. I need to correct his/her behavior, thank you for bringing it to my attention.
Children need boundaries, children need guidance, children need to learn how to effectively participate in today’s society without other individuals feeling the need to contact the pest control regarding them.
If you fail to raise your children right, all you’re doing is sabotaging their future lives and growth. After all, if they go through school thinking they’re God and untouchable, and if you do not allow them to experience consequences for their abominable behavior, all you’re doing is setting them up for the future failure they’ll encounter when they run into someone bigger and meaner than they are.
Don’t you love your kids? If so, why on earth would you allow them to sink to their base emotions?
As a mom of 4 myself, I simply have to shake my head in wonder at how truly incompetent some parents are. I see many parents at karate, and it’s obvious to me that some of the kids rule the household, not the adults. I truly admire the karate senseis’ patience; my gosh, I’d absolutely just plain refuse to teach kids like that. Children aren’t taught basic respect and politeness; if they are incapable of appreciating solid useful knowledge, they have no right to participate and cause stress to the other kids.
So! If you’re a parent, make things right with your children. Guide them and inflict consequences when they step off the path; you’ll be doing them a favor that will last long into their adulthood.
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – Of course, if parenting is stressful, you can always recover with:
You know, I really adore my martial arts and self defense classes – the information and knowledge I’m learning there is just plain gold.
I had a very interesting discussion with a sensei yesterday about fighting and how not to panic when the stress levels are high. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s natural to let emotions overcome you…but that’s the path to utter conquest and failure to boot.
A knife or a stick by itself is of no threat to you. It’s the opponent’s skill level/commitment that makes them dangerous…but it’s also much more than that as well.
Disagreements, fights, etc., take place between two people…and it’s often the mental outlook that will tip the scales over in one direction or another. You need to refuse to give over control of yourself to another person…you need to proactively CHOOSE NOT to be passive victim.
This means…when you’re in a stressful situation, you have to mentally distance yourself and say, okay, here’s what’s happening, I will remain calm and in control and I will deal with it to the best of my abilities. Verbalize! This helps you breathe and keeps panic down – tell the other person they will NOT do whatever and this problem ends NOW. True, that might not halt the escalation, but you’re already gaining an edge by showing you’re not a passive victim, you’re not going down without a fight.
I want to urge all readers to look up self-defense online…and contact your police department and see if any self-defense/womens self defense classes are offered. Getting stressed out and experiencing danger in a controlled situation is extremely useful in helping you internalize how you can retain control during altercations and confrontations…and it might give you the skills you’ll need to survive and escape.
Here are some great resources:
The truth is, we do live in a scary world sometimes…and it’s up to each person to learn techniques for dealing with scary situations. When you’re in a life/death situation, the only person upon whom you can count…is yourself. So make it worth counting.
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – Some great self-defense resources are:
Morning,
Watch the following. It’s very very eye-opening. Share it with kids.
http://www.ranaldofamily.com/SWF/KitchenOilFire.wmv
At the Fire Fighting Training school they would demonstrate this with a deep fat fryer set on the fire field. An instructor would don a fire suit and using an 8 oz cup a t the end of a 10 foot pole toss water onto the grease fire. The results got the attention of the students. The water, being heavier than the oil, sinks to the bottom where it instantly becomes superheated. The explosive force of the steam blows the burning oil up and out. On the open field, it became a thirty foot high fireball that resembled a nuclear blast.
Inside the confines of a kitchen, the fire ball hits the ceiling and fills the entire room.
Also, do not throw sugar or flour on a grease fire. One cup creates the explosive force of two sticks of dynamite.This is good stuff to share.
Barbara
ps – more fire-prevention:
Parenting. It’s the ultimate of a hero’s journey.
Okay, true, I suppose one’s own personal growing-up time is really the most soul-searing adventure one can undertake. After all, to first be a parent, you should first have passed all of the life’s lessons that have been thrown at you! You should have internalized that your job as a mom or dad is NOT to be your child’s friend…instead, it is to be ‘way above and beyond anything a mere friend can be!
You simply have to internalize that your roll is to raise your children to be the best possible person imaginable. And that means setting up boundaries and inflicting consequences when kids dare to push past them.
Kids need to know where they stand in the scheme of things. They need the security of boundaries so they can rely upon their parents when the going gets tough. Our society tries to make children grow up ‘way ahead of their time…it’s only natural that kids will want more and more security when confronted with these challenges.
I see this all the time at the karate dojo I attend. Some moms (not all, of course, not by a long shot) are ruled by their children…and will scamper to meet their every insane need. These kids are the ones who whine about not doing the workout, who can turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat…and cause mom to come running. It makes you want to scream at the parents and ask, my gosh, how on earth do you think your child will mainstream into middle school later on if all you do is cater cater cater?
Sigh.
Parents need to be firm. They must not be afraid to mete out punishment when required, nor be afraid to fall onto their knees to comfort their children when its needed.
So why are so many parents doormats these days? I truly have no clue. I’m known as Mean Mommy Ling by my kids’ friends (and also known as Mama Bear by my kids’ teachers)…yet in all cases, kids flock to me whenever I show up at class.
Boundaries work. Plain and simple, boundaries work. So do your children a favor and give them that security…you might be surprised at how much they end up calming down.
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – Need some parenting resources? Consider:
Here’s a funny parenting thing.
I had to awaken my daughter early this morning. After she left her room, she hid right by my room with the nefarious plan of jumping out and scaring me.
Well! I walked out, didn’t see her, did see something move towards my face, and executed a perfect(I mean utterly perfect) karate block without thinking.
My gosh, was she startled and surprised (I had enough control to pull my block back before I made contact with her face)! “Mom, you were supposed to be scared, not prepared!”
Mommy rules! 
Barbara
ps – I personally hate scary movies. These are much better:
This evening’s Halloween trick or treating was ‘way interesting! One of my kids sprained her foot in karate, necessitating her to be on crutches for the foreseeable future. So! Magnificent mom that I am, I offered to go in her place and bring her back her rightful share of candy.
Enter the MommyMobile – I packed in 5 kids (some friends of my children as well) and we drove to our hallowed stomping grounds. It’s a super neighborhood that has a high concentration of houses compared to landsize – it takes only an hour or so to hit the entire area! And all of the kids prefaced their bag-holding-out routine by saying, trick or treat! All, of course, except moi – I figured, why be boring, so I cheerfully chirped, Trick or Calculus! or hey! Trick or Differential Equations!
Obviously there were some enginners at the homes…I got a lot of positive comments from that.
Anywhos, we TorTed for about 2 hours and came home quite exhausted but very happy indeed. I wore my camouflage karate gi (must! show! off! deltoids!) and blended in very well with the other kiddies there.
Speaking of karate, one of our beloved senseis gave our class an excellent overview on Halloween safety…about how parents should always check candies, kids should never step inside houses, what a bad guy looks like (answer: anyone), etc. Here are some more resources for that Halloween safety:
And that was the Ling Halloween,
Barbara
ps – obviously, the best costumes are really:
Morning,
I think that being a firm parent is one of the toughest things a mom has to do.
Today one of my kids made some very ill-considered choices…so I chose to inflict specific consequences geared towards driving the point home.
The good news is that was certainly achieved…the not-so-thrilling news is that it resulted in major angst…..angst against which I had to stand firm.
Argh. It would be so much easier to simply let things slide….and not form good habits. Argh!
I had to reiterate several times that I’m not your friend, I’m ‘way above and beyond that, I’m your mom and no, I don’t particularly care if you choose to hate me for this fact. Oh, and never try the test of wills; it’s impossible to break me.
“But mom, what if I’m kidnapped and die and these were your last words to me? You’re being sooooo unfair! You’ll feel soooooo guilty!”
‘Tis amazing the guilt trips children will try to harass their parents with. Sigh.
So….the point has been made, and my kid is currently snarling to herself. Ah well. I know she will emerge stronger for this difficulty…and I also know she will learn better choices for the future. But wow, it’s still just plain hell to watch one’s children choose to be miserable. Sigh sigh sigh.
Kids should come with reboot mechanisms.
And so the night falls,
Barbara
ps – I wonder if the following are easier to raise?
Morning,
Yesterday’s karate class was (as always!) quite an eye-opening experience. Ever since last week when our beloved sensei drilled us until exhaustion (but he didn’t break us!), my family has adored going to Wednesday classes. We view it as an Ultimate Challenge – will we survive without asking for a break? Will our warrior will beat that of our sensei? etc.etc.etc.
Anywhos, alas, yesterday brought a number of newcomers to the class, so the desired “Go ahead! You can’t break me!” test of wills didn’t happen. Wah! But! During one of our drills, we had to kick a pad down the room one way, and then back up the next.
My eldest daughter went against our beloved sensei…and when she threw her first kick, he….
Didn’t budge.
Didn’t move.
Just gave her a look that said, you honestly expect me to believe that’s your best?
It took three kicks before he finally did move. And he kept up that intensity the whole time….resulting in my daughter doing approximately 3 times the number of kicks the other students did.
Now, keep in mind the following. I had given permission for my kids to be tested at the toughest level possible….and wow oh wow, but my daughter finally gave a performance she didn’t realize she had in her.
Simply because….her sensei held her to a high standard.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to let kids know you believe in them…and to shun half-buttocked attempts and demand the very best they can do. My family is really lucky – all of our senseis at our dojo really know how to bring out the best in kids (adults too!).
So! The next time your child whines about something being too hard…and you know they can rise to the challenge – demand it. You might be surprised at the response.
Enjoy,
Barbara
ps – Need some good study aids? Consider: