Category: Parenting

Ah, the joys of maintaining standards of excellent and self-pride in one’s work!

This morning my first grader brought to me his homework. Now, he is very much aware that half-buttocked attempts at work will result in mommy ripping up the page and having him do it again. Be that as it may, today he chose to write his sentences without any spaces between any words.

“But Mom, I’m not used to it! I can’t do it!” he whined to me when I brought his attention to this fact. Rather calmly, I went to my computer, printed out another blank handwriting page, and ripped up his first attempt.

BAM! You’d have thought the earth had been hit by an asteroid. The tears flowed, the angst erupted, and quicker than a lightning flash, I went to my knees to hug him tight to me and tell him, I believed in him and his abilities…and I KNEW that he could rise to the challenge and succeed no matter what.

It was a calculated move, I will admit…in hindsight, I can see how it might have gone either way. But when I came back to him 10 minutes later…..he had completely redone his work and was beaming with pride. “Look Mom, I calmed myself down and I finished it!!”

Wow. What an emotional roller-coaster. True, while there were spaces now between every word, there were missed capitals and the like….but I didn’t want to focus on that. Instead, I hugged him tight and reiterated how I knew he had it in him, how he should be so proud of himself for not giving up nor giving in….and what an utterly awesome kid he is.

He went to school quite happy!

Ah, the joys of showing you expect levels to maintained…and also demonstrating an undeniable belief in one’s child! I think that knowing someone believes in you is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your kids….it’s the thing that keeps them going and going and going.

You know, being a tough mom is one of the most difficult things I have to do for my kids. Staying the line, refusing to accept poor attempts, letting them cry….it can really be quite devastating. But the rewards at the end (super self-sufficient, confident magnificent kids) makes it all worthwhile.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – Want handwriting goodies? Consider:

One of the biggest challenges parents have today is guiding their kids thru the turbulent times of growing up to become a responsible, self-confident member of society.

I vividly remember my extreme lack of confidence in my earlier years…it was soooo bad, it got the point I used to be grateful for any attention (negative or positive). It was only in my 20s that my own inner strength and spirit began to emerge…and help me become the superbly marvelous person I am today.

And that brings me to the very important point of, how are you helping to instill in your children “self-confidence”? It would be so easy if all you had to do was witness your child’s experiences as they go thru life…and see self-confidence magically grow and grow!

Alas, it just doesn’t happen that way. Kids need positive reinforcement whenever they excel…and accountability when they choose to perform under the bar. Nobody is perfect all of the time (except my parents, of course)….but every moment can be used to help your children grow along the straight and true path of self-awareness and self-confidence.

Last week I witnessed a perfect example of this. One of my kids is learning how to use the karate sais in katas and demonstrations; she was thrilled she had it under control and called to me, mom, watch me to do this (this was in at the karate dojo in front of lots of people). Well, she got about 80% right….but all I could think of at the time was my gosh, when I was that age, I’d have preferred to be frozen in carbonite compared to having people actually watch something I haven’t entirely mastered. What self-confidence she showed! I was lavish in my praise of her afterwards; she was beaming with pride as well.

How the generations can improve.

Being healthy and content and in control of one’s being is a great way for instilling self-confidence. Here are some resources for that:

• 12 ways to build your child’s self-confidence
• The ABCs of self-confidence
• The confident kid

What about sports and team participation and such? Many kids will benefit from the martial arts, which instills self-confidence, discipline, inner strength and more. Here are some resources for that:

• Kids, Karate Classes and more articles
• Martial Arts can be a prescription for self-confidence
• KidsWorld Karate

Always let your children know just how special and terrific they are…but also let them know when they slacked off as well. When you raise the bar for your child, quite often, their response will be to attain the new goals and levels you have set. And that is superb experience for a continued, healthy, self-confident kid to have.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – Brain games are a great way to build mental confidence! Look at:

Yesterday in karate class I had quite the relevation. Several of our senseis are in their twenties…and as such, Tiananmen Square is the subject of history classes.

Well, back in 1989…I witnessed part of it as much as an American can. I was part of the protest march that marched upon Washington DC in protest. Not that it accomplished much (she said with the benefit of hindsight) but wow, was that an experience for me.

Tiananmen Square, back then, was referred to as the first war that was fought with email and fax. Every day new information would be snuck out over the wires and sent to faxes around the country.

I vividly remember the emotions that raged during this time. I will admit, the Chinese government handled it brilliantly for their end…they let the student leaders identify themselves via their talks and posturing and when all was set and ready, murdered them all. Whomp. One fell swoop, the rebellion was utterly crushed.

It was most bemusing to me to listen to my senseis talk about the history, while in my mind, I was remembering living through the 3rd party experience.

Here are more resources for Tiananmen Square:

Tiananmen Square protests of 1989

TankMan

Witnessing Tiananmen: Clearing the square

Memoirs

Sequence of Events

Never forget Tiananmen Square. It was an event that seared the souls of all who witnessed it…yet also showed that the human spirit will never….ever….be entirely crushed.

Barbara

ps – There are books for Tinanmen Square:

One of the unique results that stem from being the all-powerful Earth Mother is that other moms will ask me to tutor their kids.

This morning I was requested to help an 11 year old memorize her 15 Wordly Wise spelling words. I first asked her, how do you study? “Well, I use flash cards and memorize them.” Apparently this was not too effective, as past grades had shown.

So! Instead of just ‘memorizing’ the words, I had her do the following:

1. Write down the word, stare at it.
2. Close the eyes, picture a blackboard in the mind, and then write the word mentally on the blackboard.
3. Repeat back to me what the blackboard says
4. Open the eyes, see if the recital was correct
5. Repeat twice more

I did this for each word, and then added repeating back other words at random.

It took 40 minutes, but eventually we worked thru all the words until they were down perfectly.

So we’ll see how the test goes.

This study method has proved to be extremely effective because it utilizes all sorts of learning – visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc. I figure that at least one of those styles must adhere!

Thus, if your kids are having problems with spelling tests, try the above. You might be surprised at how useful it can be.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – want spelling help?

Morning,

You know, back before the earth’s crust cooled, and when “java” meant “beverage of life” (ie coffee), I was quite the sorry pathetic loser of a person. Zero self-confidence, zero ability to feel good about myself, etc.etc.etc. It never would occur to me to buck any trend and showcase my individuality. True, I’m an entirely different person today, but wow, how I remember my childhood.
Zoom up now to the present. My teen decided she wanted get her dark brown hair streaked with a vibrant red; I took her to the salon yesterday. After 3 (count ’em 3!) hours (when I was told, oooooo, it will only be, hmmm, 45 minutes!), she was done; the contrast brought me up sharp. Talk about carrying a presence…my kid looks utterly awesome.

Which brings me to the point of this post! Hair color is an individual thing…and I’ve heard many parents decree, my kid will never get weird colors in their hair!

I used to think the same way. And then I realized…the ability to stand out from the crowd confidently is something I never had myself. What must it involve to say, okay, I’m going to be me!

So I changed my opinion. My kids know that no piercings shall enter our home (I can only take individuality so far!), but as far as hair color and style goes, more power to them!

Growing up. It’s a hero’s journey.

Barbara

ps – hair color can come in many different packages! Just look: