Category: Parenting

Parenting

Half-assed homework meets the Mommy from Heck

This morning, my 1st grader showed me his homework and swore to me that he had checked it twice.

He probably forgot to mention he checked it with his eyes closed and his computer games on. :-/

Now, I’m generally an understanding mommy; I will always give a second chance to re-check work. If there are still unacceptable mistakes (ie, careless idjut mistakes), I’ll rip up the paper and have my kids hand write the assignment out.

This morning, however, was a sheer “let’s test the mommy boundaries!” adventure. My son showed me one lame attempt, went back to fix it, brought it back and acted quite confused when I pointed out the 2 blank spaces and utterly incorrect answers. I refused to check it a third time and told him, he had dishonored his own abilities by trying to pass off half-buttocked work as something worthy of his skills.

Now, this is pretty heavy stuff for a 6 year old to hear, so I had to follow it up with a declaration of my utmost confidence in his abilities and how he can always shine when he puts his mind to it. We then went over the Ling Rules of Academic Success; he asked me for his own special copy so he could keep it with him always. (side note – I had devised the Ling Rules of Academic Success 4 years ago for his sisters). The tears dried, the smile returned, and my boy happily boarded the school bus.

This brings me to my rant of the day. It’s the parent’s responsibility, NOT the teachers, to ensure their kids put out their very best efforts…and hold them to the highest standards possible. Letting your kids slack off at an early age only encourages sub-optimal performances later on in school!

It might be tough, it might be hard, it might be really painful to watch your kid emotionally react to criticism…but done right, you’ve really helped your child reach beyond their personal boundaries and exceed past their own expectations. And that, of course, is always a good thing.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – the homework in question was math. Do you like math? How ’bout:

Pushing past stark fear and expanding your courage

Well! Yesterday was a rather fascinating workout in one of my favorite activities. To make a long story short, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I’d be utterly decimated, that knowledge caused a massive upwelling of fear, and yet I found it within myself to push past it and challenge my own boundaries of personal courage.

Sounds dramatic, no? :) But wow, once I had recovered, I realized….never before in my life had I had to deal with such a thing. I was shown (blatantly shown!) that even if you want to give up/run away, you CAN muster up the fortitude to continue…and that’s a gift that’s mighty precious indeed.

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts. — Richard Bach

I think people also seek challenges because they want to test themselves to the utmost; I know that’s one reason why I throw myself whole-heartedly into karate.

This is gold to teach your kids!! On the way home yesterday, my kids commented how I was obviously not myself (they were quite worried actually), so I took advantage of that to explain everything that had happened to me internally (ie, all the internal discussions, the fear, the courage, etc.). That led to a conversation about how you must never give into fear (because you might your own sole survival tool) and how you must always give yourself permission to break your own personal preconceived boundaries of self.

Everything is a teaching moment!! ‘course, I’d much prefer my teaching moments to be when I’m actually alive and coherent…but hey. It made a huge impression on my kids (if my what-used-to-be-big-and-fat mom can do it, I can too!).

I am grateful to the Universe and my guardian angels to give me these experiences in my life.

Time to start the morning,

Barbara

ps – do you like guardian angels? Here are some neat ones:

Why teachers should be worshipped…and why some parents are pathetic

I….am an awesome teacher.

Ego and such aside, truly, I have taught my kids above and beyond in many academic endeavors. I taught my daughter how to read (heck, I even built an entire product around the technique I devised), I taught my kids advanced math, I’ve run the academic and creative Camp Ling now for three years during every summer….my gosh, I even have parents asking ME to help either teach or discipline their own children. And at every single back-to-school night, whenever I chat with other parents about kids and their time scheduling, I’m always asked, how do I get my kids to take care of their responsibilities? How can I trust them when I’m not standing over them? How come they listen to me and always fulfill their responsibilities….without whining or stomping off?

In a word, it’s called ‘respect’. I’m the parent, they’re the kids. My job is NOT to be their friends, my job is NOT to make their lives easier…my job is to raise them to the very best of my abilities and show them:

Life’s tough – deal with it!

The fact is, after kids grow up, they’ll always run into people who possess power over them, such as bosses, political in-fighting, etc.etc.etc. And by that time, crying to mommy or daddy would just be an exercise in stupidity, indeed.

This brings me to my rant of the day – kids taking advantage of teachers..and their spineless parents enabling their lousy behavior. I have several dear friends who are teachers and the stories they tell me about how out of control the kids are …. it’s disgusting.

Teaching is a calling. Teachers automatically deserve respect in the classroom…and any student who acts out should be thrown out of class and into detention. But no oh no, what if the parent calls and complains? How dare a teacher, who has probably spent hours in crafting a lesson for kids less worthy than shower mold, actually expect his or her students to listen?

I could never be a teacher nor own a karate school nor handle any group of kids other than my own. Many parents nowadays are scared to be authority figures…and as such, enable their disrespectful brats to run roughshod over their teachers and peers. I probably would go bankrupt within 3 minutes by throwing out any disrespectful kid under my responsibility.

Anyone remember this story from 2002?

Flunking Out of School? Get a Lawyer

Teachers, be wary of whom you fail.

Some parents have slapped lawsuits on teachers, saying their kids deserved better marks and should be allowed to graduate from high school despite their grades.

Arizona English teacher Elizabeth Joice got a letter from a lawyer representing one of the students she failed. The letter asked her to take “whatever action is necessary” for the student to graduate or else the family would sue. Joice said the student plagiarized work, failed a paper and did not attend makeup sessions, among other things. School officials caved and the student was able to retake a test five hours before graduation and receive her diploma …… MORE …..

And don’t forget:

L is for lawsuit

One of the students in Elizabeth Joice’s senior English class at Sunrise Mountain High School in Peoria, Ariz., was flirting with failure. In fact, it was much more than a dalliance — she was flunking. The student, whose name Joice wishes to keep private, had plagiarized a test, skipped classes, failed assignments and even missed a make-up session that might have allowed her to raise her grade. Joice had been sending notices to the girl’s parents since April, warning them about the failing grade; and both the girl and her parents had met with assorted district administrators, counselors and Joice herself. But it was all to no avail: It was almost graduation, the girl had blown too many tests, and she wasn’t going to walk.

Imagine Joice’s surprise then, when on May 22, just one day before senior graduation, she received a letter from a lawyer representing the girl’s family….. MORE ….

Amazingly disgraceful.

Personally, I think the majority of teachers should be worshipped upon the ground they walk. When it turns into an utterly thankless job because of lack of appreciation and respect, you have to ask yourself….if they choose to leave teaching your kids, where exactly will your kids be?

It is to wonder. Parents, do the right thing. Support your teachers. And teach your kids respect.

Barbara

ps – need some parenting resources?

Bully-busting classes – what a great idea!!

I just found the following super article at one of my favorite martial arts forum, BullShido.net. It begins:

…WATERVILLE — Fifth degree black belt Julienne LeBrun Begin asked a group of young students Saturday morning to describe a bully.

“Someone who makes you feel small and helpless,” said one girl. “Someone who is mean and bossy,” offered another.

Begin provided her own definition: “A bully is anyone who pushes you, mentally or physically, to do something you don’t want to do.”

Slim and slightly over 5-feet tall, Begin carries herself with the confidence of someone who is a gold medalist and former national champion in her sport. She is not easily imagined as the victim of a bully.

But growing up in a family that moved often, Begin, small and often the new girl, learned how to deal with bullies the hard way, one school after another.

She learned not all bullies are alike, and that not all strategies work for every bully. Then, one day, when she was 12, a stranger attempted to rape her…..MORE….

Definitely a super article, well-worth reading!

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – here are some excellent books on bullying as well.

Witness the Magic – be brave, be strong, be true to yourself

Morning,

You know, every person has their own mental picture of who they are, and what they can accomplish, generally all neatly wrapped up in personal boundaries and static impressions.

The problem with this is you might be laboring under delusions that are no longer true! Certainly, years ago…the way you viewed yourself and your own abilities might have had a grounding in reality. You knew you’d never lose your breath in a dash across the marching band field, you knew you’d be able to handle a full day at 6 Flags with nary a whimper, you knew what your body could do.

But as the years advanced and the weight piled on….and your identity became solely SuperParent or SuperSpouse or SuperCommunitySaveTheDayer, etc.,…..there’s a good chance you honestly lost the real essence of what you are truly capable of achieving.

I’m here to say you MUST NOT let your pre-conceived notions of your own personal limitations crowd your inner self. Sure, you might not be in your 20s any more, and yes indeed, the word ‘perky’ might have waved a hysterical bye-bye to you after your first child! :)

But just because you’ve been SuperParent for the past 12 years doesn’t mean you should forget SuperSelf. Before you’re a parent, before you’re a spouse, before you’re a soul friend…you’re YOU….with your own superb abilities and gifts and insights.

Have you honored that lately?

During the summer, I was slammed in the face with this blindingly precious fact. I had taken my kids to see a revival of Fiddler on the Roof at a local theater. Now, back in the Dark Ages, I adored musicals and dancing and singing and simply enjoying the sheer sensual thrill of being alive. But in the years that followed, I neglected that aspect of me….I was too busy being a mom, being a wife, and being an entrepreneur to bother about such flighty things.

Well, at the final curtain call, as I was cheering in the standing ovation with the rest of the crowd, I realized….my gosh, I had forgotten to honor those joys that had provided magic in my life, all the years past.

I had forgotten to witness the magic, whatever it might be! I had forgotten to simply wonder at the beauty around me…I was too busy fulfilling my other life roles.

And then and there, I made a promise to myself – never again would I neglect this aspect of myself. I will make certain my kids never lose their ability to wonder at magic in their lives, be it voices that lift in song, viewing artwork that causes the soul to sing, or simply watching the early morning sunrise tint the clouds pink.

I’m pleased to announce that ever since that day (2+ months ago?), I have constantly challenged myself to uncover the ‘real me’ and the ‘real me’ abilities. I have slammed shut the little voice that says, you’re too out of shape to consider such and such an activity….and I’ve taken my kids white-water rafting, dove headlong into kendo/sword fighting, and even fought mock-scenarios in self-defense.

I might have ended up bruised and pummeled in some of the activities, but….I held my own to my best abilities and redefined just what I’m capable of achieving. And let me tell you, it’s ‘way more than I would have thought possible.

And that knowledge is something that helps bolster my confidence even more, for the days ahead.

So! I now challenge you, dear reader – are you set in your ways because mentally you view yourself so out-of-shape, you won’t even consider breaking your boundaries?

Has your exercise/get-healthy regime faltered because “you’ve never been able to get to a higher level before in your life?”

If so, remember, you’ll NEVER ascend there….unless you muster up the courage to actually try. Honor yourself and your hidden abilities! After all, you DO deserve the rewards.

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – Do you like Fiddler on the Roof? If so, look at:

Mom, do your opinions change as you get older?

You know, I had meant to write about this last week or so.  I was driving my kid to band practice, and she idly asked me

Mom, as you get older, do your opinions change?  If so, why?

Ah, how time slammed to a stop at that moment (which was kinda sorta not optimal, as I was driving at the time.  :-)  ).  I glanced at my kid and thought for a second, gosh, if only I could fill her with the wisdom I have obtained over my 43 years of life!  How can I tell her about discovering her own inner strength thru challenges that are often soul-searing and leave you crying on the ground…only to be raised up by your own spiritual strength as it emerges?

How can I instill in her how when it comes right down to it, the only person (besides her parents) she can utterly trust is herself?  How can I teach her that strong people can stand by themselves…but aren’t afraid to reach out and help others?

How my own opinions have changed as I’ve grown….wow, I could write epic novels about that.

What struggles will my child go thru?  And how will they affect her? 

All I can hope is when she finally emerges as an adult from her cocooned world of teenagerness….she’ll have the strength of personality NOT to be afraid of learning new things and changing her opinions….when new knowledge comes to light.

Enjoy,

Barbara

Autism and kids – not a curse

Good morning,

Today one of the moms I admire most in this world wrote a super article about Autism entitied:

Autism is Not a Curse: An Open Letter to Jenny McCarthy

It begins:

Dear Jenny,

While on the train yesterday, I read the cover story about you in People Magazine. Bravo for you and your beautiful son. Thank you. Anyone who is talking about autism and its very real effects on a family must be celebrated.

Your son is 5 years old, and as a fellow parent of a child diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, I know the joy and relief that comes out of seeing your child make significant progress thanks to intensive early intervention. That is the message of your book…Act early. Be relentless. It makes a difference. But you scare me when you talk about your child as if he has recovered from autism. Even the title of your book, “Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism” makes me wince a bit…..MORE…..

Do check it out – it’s a brilliant read.  Judith defines the phrase, ‘SuperMommy.’   I’m very much in awe of her.

Enjoy,

Barbara

Secret insightful parenting tip of the year

Morning,

One of my lists sent off this superb parenting tip:

“Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don’t put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.”

Love the ‘extremely nearsighted gaze’ comment!

Enjoy,

Barbara

ps – Parenting is a hero’s journey, worthy of the following rewards. :)